I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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