He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
