I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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