I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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