I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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