theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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