he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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