Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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