Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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