I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im holly from the hills drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
