I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
