I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
