just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
