well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
