i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
