i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
