that's an acceptable place to lick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
