I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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