i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
