Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
