Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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