It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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