The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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