The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
