i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
