Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
