I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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