He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
