I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
