I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
