Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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