I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
