Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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