I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
