found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
