All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
