pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
