fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
