There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
