I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
