The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
