You're my little dorito
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
