I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
