Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
