Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
