You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
