Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
