Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
