WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
