I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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