so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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