you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
