just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
